Leonardo's Lament - or
Life at the 'stute

I told them I could paint real fine.
They did not believe me.
They said those paintings weren't mine!
They were trying to deceive me!
I'm Leonardo, yes I am!
I told them with a grin.
And showed my painting to them,
and then they let me in.

It was the Mona Lisa
I painted it, I said.
But they did not believe me
as they strapped me to the bed.
They shipped me off to Richmond
so they could do some tests--
examined all my functions
to figure out this mess.

They stuck me with some needles –
took blood from inside out.
They asked me stupid questions
to learn what I'm about.
They took away my necktie.
They took away my belt.
They gave me a white bracelet
that was made out of felt.

They watched me sleep
and watched me eat
and sat me in a chair
and when I mentioned Lisa,
they quick shaved off my hair.
They put a hat upon my head
that looked like leaning Pisa.
And so I asked them one more time
if they liked my Mona Lisa.

I went to the cafeteria,
ate meat loaf and some cake.
I was eating very calmly –
not to make mistakes.
I sat there dipping gravy,
about to take a bite
when soon a tray flew by me!

I saw an awful fight!
Meatloaf started flying
and spinach through the air!
But I just sat there eating.
I really didn't care.
They punched each other in the nose
and threw some spoons and pie.

I ducked and took another bite
and watched the plates fly by.
I finished my first helping,
chairs, tables hit the floor.
Then rose to go get seconds
because I wanted more.
They gave me a pink bracelet
for outside in the sun.

I sat in lovely gardens
alone with everyone.
They gave me a big pill to take
and then a glass of juice.
The sun shone on the daisies.
I was feeling mighty loose.
I looked for Mona Lisa
but she was not around.

I started watching spiders
crawling on the ground.
My name is Leonardo!
I yelled until they heard.
I don't belong in Richmond!
This whole thing is absurd!
They said I would be transferred
to Saint Sophia's 'stute.

I asked if Mona could come too.
They said I was a fruit.
Life inside the institute
was pretty strange, but cool.
I'm hoping Saint Sophia's
will have a swimming pool.

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